The Hangover Quotes
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Tracy Garner: Phil, where the hell are you guys?
Phil Wenneck: Listen, we fucked up. We lost Doug.
Tracy Garner: What? We're getting married in *five hours*.
Phil Wenneck: Yeah... that's not gonna happen.
Phil Wenneck: Whose fucking baby is that?
Stu Price: Alan, are you sure you didn't see anyone else in the suite?
Alan Garner: Yeah, I checked all the rooms... no one's there. Check its collar or something.
Alan Garner: Hey Phil, look!
[laughs hysterically while miming the baby masturbating]
Alan Garner: He's jackin' his little weenus!
Phil Wenneck: Pull yourself together, bro!
Alan Garner: Not at the table, Carlos!
Mr. Chow: So long, gay boys!
Black Doug: I always wondered why they were called roofies.
Cause you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof. They should call em floories.
Alan Garner: Or rapies.
[his answering machine message]
Hey, this is Phil. Leave me a message, or don't, but do me a favor - don't text me, it's gay.
-Phil Wenneck
Mr. Chow: To-da-loo, motherfucka!
Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice.
-Phil Wenneck
Alan Garner: It would be so cool if I could breast-feed.
Stu Price: They are mature. You just have to get to know them.
Phil Wenneck: [yelling from outside] Paging Doctor Faggot! Doctor Faggot!
Stu Price: I should probably go.
Melissa: That would be a good idea, Dr. Faggot.
Alan Garner: It was really nice meeting you.
Melissa: Fuck off!
Alan Garner: You know I was thinking of getting my bartender's license...
Melissa: Suck my dick!
Alan Garner: No thank you.
[When talking about going back to vegas]
Oh, you know what? Next week's no good for me...
The Jonas Brothers are in town. But any week after that, it's totally fine.
-Alan Garner
Alan: Gambling? Who said anything about gambling?
It's not gambling when you know you're gonna win. Counting cards is a foolproof system.
Stu: It's also illegal.
Alan: It's not illegal, it's frowned upon, like... masturbating on an airplane.
Phil: I'm pretty sure that's illegal too.
Alan: Yeah, maybe after 9/11, where everybody got so sensitive. Thanks a lot, Bin Laden!
Sid: Now remember, what happens in Vegas stays, in Vegas...
Except herpes, that shit will come back with you.
Stu: You are literally too stupid to insult.
Alan: Thank you.
Stu: Don't let the beard fool you. He's a child!
Stu: Everyone says Mike Tyson is such a badass, but I think he's kind of a sweetheart.
Alan: I think he's mean.
Stu: She is wearing my grandmother's Holocaust ring.
Alan: I didn't know they gave out rings at the Holocaust.